Evolution of a crush series
by Fayth3
Summary: Written for 30shinyfics. The evolution of Jayne's feelinsg since Serenity BDM. will be 30 chapters long some very short
1. Tough as Steel

**A/N- Written for the 30shinyfics livejournal prompt challenge. Jayne/ River is my challenge and this is ****Prompt Table 4-**

**1 Tough as Steel.**

Vera was the sleekest, sexiest most deadly weapon that Jayne Cobb owned. He'd craved her from the first second that he'd laid eyes on her and it had been worth every single one of the six dead mercs that it took to get her into his hands.

Because Jayne was a man who appreciated his weapons and, more than that, Jayne Cobb loved steel.

He loved the cool strength and power hidden within. He loved the flawless simplicity of the design and the double-cartridge though gauge. He adored the elegance of the shaft, the delicate precision of the sight, the soft curve of the trigger and the powerful energy trapped in the pistons.

To his way of thinking guns were better than people, as long as you treated them right, made sure they were well loved and kept them well stocked—well, you had a gun for life. Also they weren't as damn fragile as folk.

Jayne loved weapons, loved guns; loved to touch them, to run his fingers over the sleek steel and feel the strength; but Vera was his favourite, she was the toughest.

That was until he'd seen what the _feng le_ little girl did to the Reavers.

Reavers were a personal nightmare of his, ever since Billy Loham back home had told him that camp fire story and scared the _gos se_ out of everyone on the trip. He'd been petrified at the thought of sailing even remotely near their space, let alone fighting them.

Even Vera hadn't been much use against their superior numbers and strength, even though he'd held her like a life-line whilst the hoards assembled in the streets.

Then the doc's crazy sister had thrown herself through the doors and into their hands. The medical bag to save their lives had been tossed through and the doors un-jammed and closed on her frantically reaching hands.

No matter what differences Jayne had had with the girl, it was all eradicated in that moment and her bravery, loyalty and courage garnered respect, admiration and regret for a friendship that might have been. He'd steeled himself to listen to the screams that came from behind the solid bulkhead doors.

He had seen what the girl had done in the Maidenhead and knew she was all kinds of tough, but these were Reavers and no one was that tough.

Except she was.

When those doors slid open he'd expected to be inundated with bloodthirsty Reavers, all wearing River-suits, and he'd tightened his grip on Vera's trigger, ready to shoot.

He'd saved enough bullets for each of them.

But instead of his gruesome demise he'd seen her—Lady Death, a pile of bodies at her feet and blood dripping from two Reavers blades.

Steel blades.

But they were just tools. The real weapon held herself tall and proud, her fingers tightening on the blades with cool strength, flawless simplicity in her posture, elegance in her stance, delicate precision her gaze, her soft curves hiding the raw power she possessed in a body as slight as a whisper but as tough as steel.

And Jayne loved steel.


	2. Love

**Prompt Table #2- Love.**

Jayne had always dismissed love as a weakness. It was easy to dismiss something that he'd never really had but, to him, love just served to make a body weak.

He'd seen it time and again when some poor, dumb hun dan had fallen for some trim and was left face-down in the dirt with nothing but bad memories and empty pockets.

Even his own dear ma had seemed broken and fragile once his pa was done and buried. To a young Jayne, watching his ma cry buckets and become less vibrant, it was unthinkable to let something hurt you so bad and so, at the tender age of eight, Jayne had decided that love was for suckers and he wanted none of it.

To be fair he hadn't seen much to contradict that thought in all his travels around the verse and his many years of life.

That was until the day River Tam crawled naked out of her box.

Not that he felt the emotion for her, of course, couldn't stand the feng le girl at first. But her brother was the first that challenged his inbuilt assumption.

It had been the first time that he had seen love in action and it left him reeling.

This prissy, pansy-assed, core-bred wimp had given up everything-- _everything_-- for his sister; his money, his career, his reputation.

Later, he'd discovered that he'd even risked his life to get her out of the institute where she was being tortured. He'd also threatened the captain and that took balls.

He didn't do it because he was brave-- he wasn't-- or because he had to-- he didn't-- but because he loved her.

Love made him strong.

A basic principle that Jayne lived by was called into question. In a frantic attempt to regain a fundamental grip on things he tried to prove Simon an abomination. For the first time, Jayne was forced to take a good look around and he was shocked at his conclusions.

He'd always seen Mal and Inara's relationship as proof undeniable that love was a weakness, after all Mal was all kinds of messed up over the skirt and Inara wasn't much better. But somehow he'd missed the way Mal would brave all to reach her side if she were in trouble, to defend her even if meant his own life and to make her stay when it would have been far easier for her to leave.

He'd always assumed that Zoë and Wash had fallen prey to hormones and the lack of real choice out in the black, Zoë and Wash being so very different. Yet, somehow, they'd made it work. Somehow the foolish pilot made the stoic warrior laugh, he gave her something to look forward to and, in turn, Zoë made Wash feel safe. The man lit up every time she walked into the room; something Jayne had always sneered at, but now envied.

Or would have if Wash had not been lying in the next room, ready to be buried.

Jayne closed his eyes and tried to block out the images of what they'd been through in the past twenty-four hours; Reavers and Alliance and more death and blood than Jayne had ever seen before.

Miranda.

Even the word was enough to give him the shudders and he took deep breaths to calm himself.

He lay in the makeshift hospital bed, newly sewn up and doped up by the Alliance as the Operative who'd slaughtered all their friends tried to make some kind of amends.

Jayne hated him in a way that he'd never hated anyone, but as he opened his eyes and looked around his thoughts weren't on hate or even revenge.

But love.

It was in the way Inara hadn't left Mal's side, even though she could lose her Companion's license and her livelihood.

It was in the way Mal reached out for her even in sleep, or the way he agreed to bargain with those he despised in order to get Serenity in the air. It was in the way he reached out for Zoë to give her any kind of comfort he could.

It was in the gentle way Zoë smiled at him in reassurance even as she fought back tears. It was in the way she cleaned and readied Wash's body for burial. It was in the way she carried on and held her head high, knowing she had the memories to survive on.

It was in the way Kaylee had found the power to take up arms to defend her family, it had given her the impetus to survive and to not be so scared.

It allowed Simon to take the next step, no matter what his life could have been. It was in the way he stayed, even though the rescinded warrant meant he could go back to life on the Core.

But most of all, it gave River the strength to jump into a nest of Reavers to protect her family and the one's she loved. It was what made her walk into the Alliance hospice tent to check on her brother, no matter the crippling fear that showed on her face that they'd somehow take her back to the place where she'd been so brutally tortured.

It was love that made her find her way to Simon.

Simon, who'd been the first to make Jayne see that love made you strong, made you full.

Maybe that's why Jayne hated the doc so very much, because Simon had made Jayne's life seem so very empty.

Jayne closed his eyes and listened to the gentle murmur of the crazy-girl as she talked to her brother, her voice full of emotion, and he prayed.

He prayed for his friend Shepherd Book, he prayed for Wash but, most of all, he prayed that one day he could feel that kind of love.


	3. Who

**Prompt #3- Who.**

River's fingers danced along the hull of Serenity, feeling the cracks and shards like splinters on her own heart.

Her poor ship was damaged, damaged by those who loved her, cut by those who adored her and desecrated by those who were supposed to protect her.

No matter how much River had tried to explain it to her on Miranda, Serenity hadn't understood and had cried, wept buckets as she was breached and brushed with death.

Now she sat in the Alliance dockyard, ready to be piloted back into the black and she still didn't understand.

Didn't understand why her crew turned on her or why she was in the place where the other ships who liked to shoot at her were berthed. She didn't understand why she was being made to fly when she was so tired.

River felt tears run down her face as she caressed the cold metal.

"So sorry," she muttered and placed a gentle kiss on her bulkhead. "Had to be. She needed to save the verse, save the crew, save her. Bandage up the hurt. She'll be better soon."

River turned to see Jayne walking hesitantly around the side of the ship, his arm and shoulder still bandaged heavily, stained with blood. In his other hand he held a welding torch. He stopped as he saw her and started to shift uneasily until he saw her tears.

"Hey, girl, you okay? Trouble?"

River sniffed and shook her head. "Trouble done."

"Then what ya done crying for?"

"She's broken. They took her parts and tore them to pieces, covered her in blood and made death her cover. They were supposed to be good for her and make her more than she was but they just made her hurt again. She doesn't understand and just wants to be whole. It hurts that they don't understand."

Jayne tightened his grip on the welder and nodded slowly. "But with the big secret all let out now, you're talking clearer and less crazy-like. We'll get ta understanding ya more and you'll get better. Ain't no need ta be so sad, girl."

River just stared at him for a moment, emotion swirling in her eyes. "She was talking about Serenity."


	4. Talk

**Prompt #4- Talk.**

Jayne Cobb was no good at words. He knew it; had always known it.

His ma said he'd come out of the womb grunting and didn't say word till he was nigh on two years old. His pa said that there weren't nothing wrong with being a man of few words- so long as they were the right ones.

Course Jayne never knew if they were the right words cuz they tended to come out of his mouth afore his brain managed to get ahold of 'em to look.

But he wished he had the right words now.

He wanted to tell Zoë that he was sorry cuz he actually liked the funny little man. He wanted to tell the Cap that he was being an ass about 'Nara.

But most of all he wanted to be able to sit down and have a conversation with the Crazy-girl that didn't make him come off sounding like some kind of retard.


	5. Light

**Prompt#5- Light**

If she stared at the black for long enough she could forget that there wasn't anyone in her bunk. She could ignore the fine film of dust on the dinosaurs in front of her and she could pretend, for just one minute that when she turned around there would be someone in the chair.

But, as always, the blackness managed to permeate every corner of her heart and Zoë felt it swamp over her, removing every vestige of hope and happiness.

He wasn't coming back.

A breath caught in Zoë's throat like she was choking on her heart and she dug her fingernails into her palms, trying to push the tears back.

With an almost savage intensity she dragged herself out of the bridge and stomped her way into the kitchen, using every stomp to push bricks into her chest to wall up the pain.

"_That was the torture talking, remember the torture?"_

She paused in the doorway to get her emotions under control and peered in, wondering who she'd have to fool, who she'd have to fake that she was okay for, who she'd hate for being alive when Wash wasn't.

Jayne was an easy target as he cleaned the guns that weren't fast enough and filed the knives that weren't sharp enough. His muscular frame occupied most of the table, his health an affront and his weapons a joke.

River was another easy target; her brain enough to hear the screams of three million strangers but not enough to hear the cry of one man. Her crazy words locked away like she had been. Like she should have been.

"_Can I make a suggestion that doesn't involve violence, or is this the wrong crowd for that?" _

Zoë tightened her jaw. It was mean, but was true. If that gorram girl hadn't come on board then Wash would be alive now.

"_Or killed much earlier. It's a hazard of flying in a death trap—the inevitable death."_

He'd been her conscience and without him she was adrift in a sea of black; all she had to remember him by were words he had said, words that were as lost as she was.

Then she looked at River—really looked at her. Her hands were holding tightly onto the afghan she had wrapped around her and her little shoulders were shaking, her face pale and wretched.

Zoë's heart turned over as the obvious pain the girl was in and she felt petty and mean for her thoughts.

Thoughts that the girl had probably heard.

Wash would have been so ashamed of her.

_"You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes."_

"Hey, girl, you okay?" Jayne's voice was nowhere near the harsh grunt Zoë had expected and she stepped back into the shadows.

"Serenity's crying," River said softly, tears evident in her voice.

Jayne put down his gun. "You can hear her?"

"I can hear everything and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't die instead."

"Hey now, no one is saying that."

"_No one except Jayne is saying that."_

"It's true. Friends and teachers, guides and love. She isn't either—has no place. Don't belong, dangerous. Should've just gorram left when I had the chance. She makes a mess."

There was something unsettling about hearing those words from River's mouth.

"The Alliance made the mess!" Jayne spat. "You were just clearing up and they had to go one making more to cover their ass. Ain't your fault."

"Should have seen—"

"Nothin'," Jayne insisted and Zoë froze as she listened to him. "Girl yer age shoulda been reading books, not people. No way you coulda or shoulda read them Reavers. No way they shoulda cut into yer head or made yer into some kind of gorram weapon. I ain't saying that yer knowing don't make you all kinds of useful, but it ain't somethin' you should be wanting or even expecting and there were nothin' about this that was yer fault, dong ma?"

"_How did your brain ever learn human speech?"_

"I want them back. Serenity's not full and she hurts."

"Takes time to heal and all," Jayne offered. "Reckon she'd be mad if you left too. This family is small enough now without getting smaller. Jus' gotta move ahead and think of them things that they woulda wanted. Like the Shepherd said, best way ta keep a man alive is to keep him around."

"Like in a box?"

Zoë found her lips curving at that and making a mental note to tell. . .

"I figure he meant his words and what he did. Like Shepherd was a good man. Wash was funny man. So we be good and laugh and I guess that makes us remember 'em."

"_Jayne—profound, that's all manner of scary. Has hell frozen over, are your feet cold?"_

"Thank you, Jayne," said River softly and the room turned silent again.

Zoë had always been heavy and dark, Wash was light. Best way to keep him around was to keep things light. Maybe the light would push away the black.

Zoë took a deep breath and walked into the room, looking over at a nervous River and giving her a nod.

"Cap says you are gonna be flying the boat."

River nodded hesitantly and Zoë took a deep breath. "Just remember to dust the dinosaurs, okay?"


	6. Excellence

**Prompt 6- Excellence. 777**

"3 down; superiority, quality. 10 letters."

Mal frowned as Inara tapped her pen on the side of the source box.

"Say what?"

Everyone looked up at his exclamation and Inara sighed. "It's a crossword puzzle. You fit the words into a table with clues they give you. It's an old Earth-that-was pastime."

"If'n you're that bored I got a couple of piles a laundry you could look to," Mal offered and she swatted him with the source box.

"It keeps the mind sharp, something," she added drolly, "you could use."

Inara frowned down at the source box again. "I just keep getting nine letter words- dominance, authority."

"Words some of you could do with learning!" Mal pointed out to the rest of the crew—who ignored him.

Zoë merely rolled her eyes at him and went back to reading a sheaf of papers.

Simon was busy trying to identify the nutrients in his nutritional bowl of . . . mush and Kaylee was busy trying not to let him see she was watching him intently.

Not that he would have minded.

Jayne was watching River but trying to make it look like he was just gazing off into space. She had her feet curled underneath her, a floaty dress raggedly covering her knees and hair tangled around her shoulders.

She held a drawing pad on her knees and was rapidly sketching something, her big eyes intent on the paper.

Jayne began sharpening his knife again and listened to Mal and Inara banter. This 'family' time had become something of a ritual over the last three months since Miranda. Every evening, after dinner was cleared away, they'd all just sit together instead of disappearing to their bunks or elsewhere. They'd talk or work and it was nice.

It was like family bonding, a way of making them feel closer.

"Any other clues?" Simon asked, pushing his bowl away, resigned to not finding any hidden taste in the food.

Inara scanned the source box again. "There's an L in it."

"So ya'll gotta think of another word for a word?" Kaylee smiled brightly. "Sounds hard. Ain't much one for words."

"You do them well though," Simon said and she gave him the sweetest smile which had most of the crew grimacing.

"Superiority?" Mal looked up, as if the answers were written on Serenity's ceiling. "Supremacy?"

"You'll kick yourselves when you get it," River sang, not looking up.

"You know it, lil witch?" Mal said. "Well, why not say?"

"Then you wouldn't learn," she replied amiably. "It'd be like looking at the answers; cheating."

"There are answers?" Mal sounded affronted as he glared at Inara.

"I bet you were kind of child that searched for his Christmas presents," Inara said with a roll of her eyes.

Jayne grinned as the captain huffed and he went back to watching the girl. She really was a genius, as well as being cute, dangerous and very, very off limits.

At least to him.

River was a Core girl, elegant and dainty, accustomed to the finest things in life. She knew what it meant to be superior and of a quality that he could never aspire to.

But the fact that she was too good for him didn't mean that he didn't look and want.

She was becoming the one thing that he did want, craved and desired and not just in the way that he did when he found a nice whore.

With River he could see them being part of the family in a bigger way. He could imagine sitting there with Zoë reading her paper, Mal and Inara arguing, Simon and Kaylee flirting while River sat on his lap, helping him polish his guns and dropping kisses on her soft hair.

But it wasn't likely to happen because she was . . . she was . . .

"Excellence."

Everyone turned around and looked at Jayne who almost couldn't believe that he had spoken out loud.

"Huh?" Mal frowned at him and Inara laughed as she filled in the box.

"Well done, Jayne, 3 down, ten letters- excellence."

"Excellence," Simon nodded, "of course."

Mal sat back in his chair and put his booted feet on the table as he regarded his mercenary. "Well, now. You know something ain't quite right in the verse when Jayne knows a word that has the doc stumped."

Jayne shrugged, somewhat embarrassed. "Just fit is all."

He had his head down but looked up to see River looking at him with a faint smile on her face, almost approving and he felt a warm flush run through him.

10 letters, meaning superiority. Yeah.


	7. Plastic

**Prompt 7- Plastic.**

There was something downright unsettling about being jealous of a piece of plastic.

It wasn't an attractive piece of plastic like those gorram dolls that Mal insisted on hauling halfway across the verse, nor was it valuable like the latest source box plastic gos se games.

It was a simple, bendy piece of clear plastic with a light blue line running through it but Jayne found himself unbelievably jealous.

Jealous because her fingers danced along the surface, her fingernails tapping lightly on the tip and her lips wrapped around the end. Sweet pink lips, puffed up and curved, designed for kissing, designed for tasting and licking. Designed for smiling and all kinds of delicious activities. Right now they were wet as a little tongue darted out to catch the last of the milkshake.

He shifted slightly in his seat and winced at the tightness in his pants.

Really, it was ridiculous to be jealous of a straw.


	8. Early

**Prompt 8- Early.**

03:00

Everyone should be asleep but River's eyes won't close and her brain just won't switch off. She tries counting the tiles on her ceiling and then naming them.

03:02

Steve is cracked twice and she should really see Mal about Frederica being damp and possibly on the verge of some sort of infection.

03:04

If you calculate the volume of air in the room multiplied by the size of the average respiratory system and capacity for oxygen in the lungs, she would have to breathe rapidly for six weeks, two days and nine hours to use up all the breathable atmosphere on the ship on her own should the life support fail again. It would be rapidly diminished with each body and the bulk of the person. Really their best chance for survival would be to kill Jayne.

03:15

There are two hundred and fifty five ways of killing someone with the instruments she has in her room and Simon took out all the sharp things. The most embarrassing would be to dissect the toy rabbit Kaylee brought her and use to stuffing to suffocate someone. How humiliating to have: 'Death by Rabbit guts' as cause of death.

03:36

Captain Mal had 142 enemies and would likely be shot a further 36 times in the next ten years. Probably should tell Simon to buy more bandages.

03:44

River gets up and pulls on her nightdress. There is no way she can go back to sleep now with thoughts of the Captain using rabbit guts as protective clothing.

03:52

Kaylee snores louder than Simon and Simon snores louder than Captain Mal. Zoë cries in her sleep and Jayne purrs like a cat.

04:03

River makes a mental note to kick Simon for leaving out his doctor's bag as she cradles her bruised toes.

04:39

It is impossible to make pancakes from protein blocks and the fire alarm needs new batteries.

05:11

Playing with the dinosaurs isn't as fun without Wash to make the voices.

05:19

There will be confusion at breakfast when they see that she has rearranged the tinned foods by use-by-date and they realise that the peaches should have been eaten last year.

05:32

She draws pictures of the whole crew and starts to decorate the dining area but Mal's nose always comes out longer than it really is and she can't fit all Kaylee's teeth in her mouth.

06:08

The Captain dreams of blood and death, Jayne dreams of blood and sex, Zoë dreams of blood and Reavers, Kaylee dreams of sunshine and kisses and no one should ever dream-walk into their brother's head.

06:20

The cargo bay is lovely and cool and there is plenty of room for dancing.

07:12

Exhausted River decides to curl up on Jayne's weight bench for a moment to rest.

07:30

River opens her eyes briefly as she is being carried down the hallway.

"Yer really gotta start eatin' more, girl, don't weigh more'n a feather."

River just smiles and falls back to sleep, finally.


	9. Free

**Prompt 9- Free.**

The market place on Boros was as bustling and bright as ever and Jayne smiled as Kaylee dragged the reluctant doc from stall to stall exclaiming over stuff that wasn't worth the asking price. Jayne knew Simon was well aware of this and that made his pained grin only that much sweeter.

They'd stopped so that Inara could renew her Companion's license although that license hadn't been getting much of a work out of late- a fact that had the cap all smiling and sociable.

It was Zoë's turn to shop for food and so Jayne had expected Mal to order him to take care of Crazy—he'd actually been looking forwards to it, not that he'd tell anyone that, of course.

But Mal had surprised and disappointed him by taking River along with him to talk to some guys about a job. He figured that she would look innocent and non-threatening enough and, at the same time, could tell him if they were going to double-deal them.

That left Jayne at a loose end since none of the bars were open for business just yet and Jayne didn't really want to go to a whore house.

It wasn't that he had gone sly or anything, just that he wasn't in the mood for some nameless whore to be touching on him. Jayne was blaming it on Miranda and trying not to give it another name.

He walked among the market stalls and wondered if he should buy some more apples with the last pay he'd got. He could surely use something to crunch on and he had heard Kaylee say he ma had sent her a recipe for a pie.

Course he'd only been listening cuz Crazy mentioned that she didn't know how to cook since she'd had chefs and cooks to do for her.

"Sir, sir, stop you!" some brave vendor called out and stepped in front of Jayne.

Most market vendors tended to see Jayne coming and duck away, so he figured this guy was either new or desperate.

"Move it!" Jayne growled.

"I got something you like see!" The man wheedled and despite himself Jayne slowed down.

"What?"

The man held up a finger and dived behind his stall bringing out a pile of magazines. "See, see, sir, plenty pretty girls."

He dropped the pornographic magazines onto the table and gestured to the covers where big breasted blondes jiggled and giggled on the covers.

Jayne looked down at them. "Huh."

Nothing.

The man frowned as he registered the lack of reaction from the burly mercenary. "Best views in the verse, got more!"

He dived back behind the stall and hauled out more smut magazines- busty blondes, ravishing red-heads, breath-taking brunettes. Women covered in silk, in fur, in nothing. Twosomes, threesomes, orgies.

Nothing.

"Got more!" the man insisted, realising that he had a difficult customer. He grabbed another stack. Women on carts, women on horseback, women in spaceships, women with guns…ooh.

Seeing the light of interest in his eyes the man smirked. "Best views in the verse, cheap price!"

Jayne's eyes drifted over the magazines taking in the promising smiles of the women, the glint in their eyes, the seductive postures and their handling of the weapons.

But the smiles didn't touch his heart the way that little Kaylee's beaming grin did as she smiled at the doc.

Inara's elegant posture was more welcoming then their overt bravado and she made him feel better about himself with the smallest gesture of honest affection than any whore did.

The glint in their eyes paled in comparison to the death-glare that Zoë could give and he wanted that back in Zoë's eyes more than he ever wanted any woman.

But that was all nothing to the thought of little Crazy covered in blood and holding two Reaver blades. Her eyes touched his heart, her smile touched his emotions and damned if her weapons skill touched his body in all kinds of ways.

All he had to do was look around the ship for some of the best views in the verse.

"No thanks, I can get it for free."


	10. Drowning

**Prompt 10- Drowning. 957**

River sits in her room rocking back and forth in time to the screams in her head. Miranda had eradicated almost three million of them but there were so many secrets, so many things that she wasn't supposed to know. So many things that little girls shouldn't see or hear or feel.

_Seen not heard, understood but not felt, not felt._

River tangles her hands in her hair as her heart screeches at her, pounding away until she thinks it'll burst out of her rib cage.

She'd been doing so gorram well since Miranda, hardly a relapse but now the air explodes around her and the blood taints the ground and the weapons scream in the air, the water polluted and blood running, hands cold and scratches like animals, claws and bursting. . . bursting out.

River slams herself backwards into the wall trying to get a shock of pain to drag her out of her nightmare but just managing to integrate the thump into her visions.

The slam of fist on flesh and whipped cord on spinal tissue, soaked with sweat and despair, dirt ingrained, only swept away by rivulets of filthy water trickling down the walls.

"No!" The cry rips itself from her throat and she falls off the bed, scrabbling on her knees like an animal. She hauls herself to her feet and runs blindly down the corridor, smacking into walls and waking the occupants of the rooms below.

All but one.

Broken backs and crippled hands, seas boiled and burning flesh, a body in shock and hate; so much hate.

River falls to her knees again, her delicate forearms catching on the serrated edges of the walkway, slicing her skin.

She crawls, rolling onto the ground and sliding across to the metal hatchway, trails of blood following her.

Kneeling on scraped knees she leans her forehead against the cold metal and pounds on the hatchway with her little fists.

"Stop it!" she screams. "Stop, stop, STOP IT!"

"Mei mei, what is it?" Simon cries, racing down the hall in his pyjama bottoms and nothing else. Behind him with a frantic look on her face is Kaylee and Jayne's bunk opens as she passes it. He hauls himself out and takes one look around.

Jayne's heart stops as he sees the girl on her knees, her little hands pounding like fury on the metal hatch.

Simon is approaching cautiously, his hands held out as if warding off a dangerous animal. "Kaylee, fetch my bag."

Kaylee turns and runs and Jayne stares down at the girl as Simon edges closer. She turns her head and hisses at him and he stumbles back.

"River, mei mei—"

"STOP!" she shrieks, tears pouring down her face and then, suddenly, like a puppet with it's strings cut she stops and lays her head against the hatch sobbing.

There's a click and Jayne reaches over to pull River back before the hatch opens and Mal's head peers out, his ruffled hair and bleary eyes taking in the scene in above him.

"What the hell was all the noise?"

"You slept through that?" Jayne said, rocking the girl in his arms.

"Doc gave me some soothers," Mal said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "On account o' me being shot up and all, now what is going on"

"Couldn't sleep, wouldn't wake, Sleep like the dead but the dead don't sleep. Burn the land and boil the sea," River cried, "the air smelt like blood and smoke in the water. Took the spoils and made them red, red, red."

She collapsed into Jayne's arms and turned to his chest, her shoulders shaking as Mal's shocked face paled.

"I don't understand," Simon said looking down at his little sister.

"I was dreaming," Mal said shortly. "Couldn't wake up on account of the soothers and was having me some not nice dreams."

"An' she's a reader," Jayne finished, stroking the girl's back, trying to calm her.

"You see what was going on there, li'l one?" Mal asked edging out of his bunk and kneeling on the walkway near River.

"See and hear and feel and smell and touch and taste. Wanted to stop but it hurt so much," she sniffed back more tears and cradled her shaking hand sin her lap. "Couldn't stop them. Didn't want to see, but couldn't stop."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, little albatross," Mal said, genuinely regretful and he looked up at Simon. "I think we should all be getting back to bed."

"I'll take—" Simon started but Jayne just stood up with her in his arms, cradling her against his chest. "I got her, doc, just lead the way."

Simon nodded his thanks and led Jayne back to her room, Kaylee dancing around their feet like a concerned mother hen.

Mal leaned back against the wall and sighed, closing his eyes. "Last time I take a gorram soother."

"Serenity Valley?" Zoë asked from across the corridor where she'd watched it all.

Mal nodded. "And the rest."

Zoë winced and glanced down the hall. "Poor kid, having to see that. Ain't fair."

"Nothin' that's been done to that kid has been fair. I'm thinking the universe ran outta fair before it got ta us."

"Ain't arguing," Zoë said and shuffled her feet. "You all right, sir?"

Mal nodded and swiped a hand over his seat-soaked face. "Yeah. I think I'll try the tried and trusted method of drinking, rather than drugs. Care ta join me?"

"Yeah." Zoë led him across the hall but paused just before she reached the kitchen. "Since when doesn't Jayne mind carrying the girl around?"

Mal shrugged. "Don't know and, until I've had me some coffee, I don't rightly care."


	11. Angel

**Prompt 11- Angel. 771.**

Jayne's ma had always told him that people were just another creation of God and if'n you looked hard enough you could see yourself in the other creations.

Simon Tam often reminds Jayne of a chicken, running around without a clue of what to do, but then, when he is being a doctor, he reminds him of a cloud- high, proud and calm, untouchable.

That is when Jayne likes him the most. When Simon starts behaving like a calm, cool, cloud Jayne feels safer and better about being around the man in a crisis.

No good to have a chicken running around when your gorram life is in peril.

Kaylee reminds him of star; very bright and shiny, glittering high above his reach, yet tempting men like Simon to touch her.

Maybe once Jayne would have resented him, resented that. But Jayne is earthly and doesn't really want to reach up and touch the heavens any more than he already is doing.

He isn't like Mal who craves the blackness of space, nor like Wash who wants … wanted to sail it. He's happiest when his feet are touching dirt and his hands are deep in soil—not that he'll ever tell anyone that. Jayne thinks of himself as soil—dirt, common as anything and often ignored, but just teeming with possibility and life.

Humble, honest and hard-working. Yeah, he's like soil.

Zoë reminded him most of himself.

Zoë was a tree, with deep roots and long arms, hard in strength that would weather any storm but dependant on her sources of water- Mal and Wash.

Inara was the sun and even a fool like Jayne knew what happened if you tried to get too close to the sun.

Mal would only burn when he touched her and would hate himself. Mal was space and space needed the shadows, no matter how he craved the bright flare of the sun.

Wash had been the wind, flying free and soaring above all, light and comforting.

Shepherd Book was harder to describe and Jayne had thought on it many a night. The man was good and honest, like the earth, and often light, like the sky but there was a darkness to him that went beneath that.

In the end Jayne decided Shepherd Book was like the ocean. Paddling in the shallows was fun and could make you laugh and feel warm and loved, cool liquid lapping against you. But wade any deeper and the dark things that lurked in the depths could hurt you; hurt you bad.

In all those nights when he couldn't sleep, Jayne had often wondered what River was. She was a broken child, a feng le girl, an adversary, a money trap, a goldmine, a tortured soul, a pain, an annoyance, a benefit, a mission, a weapon, a girl, a woman.

He held her in his arms and walked her to the infirmary, a cloud and a star lagging behind him as he placed her gently on the bed.

"Thank you," Simon said with a breath of relief. "I'll stay here with her tonight; make sure she doesn't wake everyone up again."

"Nah," Jayne found himself saying. "I think the girl's done warn herself out. I think you'll be fine."

Simon bit his lip as he regarded his sister and then the sleep-warm body of Kaylee, beckoning temptingly to him.

Jayne watched amusedly at his indecision.

"All right," he finally decided. "We can take my room?" He blushed even as he said it and Jayne bit back a laugh at Kaylee's exasperation.

"Hell, Simon, Jayne knows what we're doing."

"But I don't wanna hear it!" he added. "Gonna get me some shut eye too."

Simon gave River one last check and left the infirmary quietly, following his star and leaving Jayne to make his own way out.

Jayne waited until Simon's footsteps echoed away and then he moved closer to the table.

Her chest rose and fell as she breathed deeply, her lashes like dark bruises against her skin and her hair a halo around her head. Her features were serene and delicate, belying the deadly grace she held inside.

"You know," Jayne whispered. "My ma used to read to me from the good book and she done tol' me that an angel once killed 185,000 men in one night. They don't flap around an' be all useless and pretty, they are Gods warriors." His fingers touched her cheek so gently before he pulled them back, swallowing hard before turning and walking away quickly, trying not to think about angels falling to the earth.


	12. Stop

**Prompt 12- Stop.**

The table was full and the laughter was loud.

Mal stood up and held a glass high. "I'd like to make a toast, to our resident criminal mastermind stroke Doctor and his foray into the life of crime."

"To Simon!" River beamed at her brother.

Simon beamed, blushing at the praise. It had only been his second planned heist but it had gone off without a hitch and the crew of Serenity were currently rich enough to provide proper food, supplies and enough fuel for several months.

He was the hero of the hour and so they all had cake.

Kaylee danced around planting odd kisses on his cheek, much to his fluttered embarrassment, making everyone laugh.

Jayne was pretending to join in the raucous laughter, but his eyes were on the one thing that glowed more than Simon's face.

River was basking in her brother's triumph, her face lit up from the insides with laughter and joy. She'd had her own part to play in the plan and the adrenaline hadn't quite worn off.

She leaned over the table to cut another slice of the cake for Simon, her mouth wide in a smile as Mal teased Inara with her tiny slice and Zoë secretly stole Mal's whilst he was otherwise occupied.

Jayne watched River, her face aglow, her lips plump and delicious. He wanted her far more than he wanted cake. He'd like to—

River's head snapped up suddenly, her eyes locking with his, wide and shocked. Her jaw fell slightly and Jayne felt a moment of sheer terror.

She was a reader and he had just been projecting loud enough to wake the dead.

He pushed back from the table, muttering something about his bunk before racing off down the corridor and leaning his burning forehead against his bunk door.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Thoughts like that were only possibly safe in the privacy of his bunk, and only maybe then. After all, the girl had heard Mal's nightmare from the other end of the ship.

She hadn't meant to, but his thoughts were loud.

Were Jayne's that loud too?

Well, it didn't matter. She'd seen it at the dinner table, there was no way he could have misread that look.

She knew.

If she knew then she might tell Mal who'd airlock and flush him out into space for looking at the girl, or, worse, she'd tell Simon and he'd have all those handy drugs to do gorram knows what to Jayne. No he had to nip this in the bud.

He'd have to stop it. Stop watching her, stop thinking about her, stop dreaming about her. Stop wanting her.

Problem was, he wasn't sure he could.


	13. Deception

**Prompt 13- Deception 441**

Her jaw rests almost on the table and she stares at the spot where Jayne sat not 60 seconds ago. She can't seem to move, her face frozen.

He thought … he was thinking …

Wow.

"River? Little one?"

She blinks and turns back towards a concerned Mal who has been watching her closer of late, as if noticing that she is entwined with him and his ship in ways that he hadn't been aware of.

"Yes?" she says and he frowns.

"Are you all right, there, albatross? Ya'll look kinda spooked."

"Um," River loses that fabled eloquence for once and brings her hand up to nibble on a nail, something she hasn't done since she was five and her mother made her wear hair gloves to stop the habit. "I … he … the… what?"

Simon gaped at her. "River, are you okay?"

Was she okay?

The light had shone from behind, illuminating her like some kind of celestial being and that's how he thought of her, some kind of angel, too good for mortal man.

_How could he see her like that? Didn't he know she was a weapon?_

"Do you need anything?"

Her lips promised some kind of rich experience; cherry tasting and slick sweetness.

_In his thoughts she was soft and female. Alive and whole._

"You haven't needed any medication in a long while."

His hands had been hard but gentle against the curve of her hip as he pulled her into his lap, his eyes lighting up as she looked up at him.

_He thought she was precious.._

"River?"

She sat in his lap, his arms around her and he kissed the top of her head, her hair tickling his nose as he breathed deeply. Then his hands began to wander.

_He wanted her. Her—River._

"Li'l witch? Albatross? River!"

River snapped back and stared at the worried faces.

Mal was knelt in front of her. "Welcome back, are you all right? You scared the gos se outta us poor folk here. Your brother was 'bout ready to scream."

"Sorry," she muttered, her mind was racing and heart joining it in frantic beating at the things that she had seen and felt.

"Gonna let us in on what that was in aid of, precious?"

_Jayne was having … thoughts about her._

It was mind boggling.

It was strange.

It was … exciting.

River smiled slightly.

She couldn't tell them that, them with their concerned faces and overprotective ways.

She couldn't let them know so she bit her lip and smiled. "I was having a flashback, it's all all right. I'm fine."

Yes. She was fine.


	14. Food

**Prompt #14- Food- 246**

He expects Mal to come along with a big gun, a stern expression and a key to the airlock. He expects Zoë to arrive with one of her hunting knives and a scowl on her face.

He expects to see disapproval and disgust etched into Kaylee's usually sunny features and maybe some kind of gas filtered in through the air system.

He expected to see Simon bearing down on him with a syringe full of some long-named, short-life mixture which would inflict untold agonies on his body.

But most of all he expected River to show up with a sweet smile and a Reaver scythe behind her back, ready to hack him to pieces for his effrontery.

He doesn't expect Mal to corner him the next day and ask if he's okay, clapping him on the back and offering to do his dishes duty.

He doesn't expect Zoë to ask to borrow his knife sharpener and frown when he looked terrified.

He didn't expect to watch Simon blush as he caught him and Kaylee making out in the cargo bay.

But most of all he doesn't expect River to find him the next day as he's working out, brandishing a plate of cookies that she'd freshly made just for him.

He takes one gingerly wondering if she's borrowed some of Simon's medicine and laced them.

She watches as he brings it to his lips and she smiles at him.

He doesn't expect that.


	15. Spirit

**Prompt #15- Spirit**

Sometimes people die. It's a fact of life. Good people die and bad people live.

Niska is alive somewhere in the verse while Wash lies buried in the dirt.

The Hands of Blue walk and talk but Book will never give another sermon.

And yet no matter who leaves the mortal coil, no matter the method of their departure no one walks the world and doesn't leave a footprint.

It's a song on the radio which makes Mal's hands clench tightly as he remembers dancing with a pretty green-eyed girl who wanted to call him husband; a slinky dress that Zoë can't bring herself to throw out; a book of broken myths and seeming paradoxes that River cherishes; a sweat cloth that was draped over friendly shoulders that Jayne remembers listening to him in half amusement; a prehistoric guardian that watches over Kaylee with it's tail hooked over the thermostat.

They are called memories, tokens, trifles, sentimental trash which are clung to in the vague hopes of clinging to a life that's ended, a presence that is long gone.

The hopes will be shattered when the memory fades and when you can't quite recall what he looks like, or can't quite remember what she smelt like, or can't quite hear the timbre of his voice, and then you know.

You know that they are gone.

Dead and gone.

But every time the song fills the air, every time the wardrobe is opened, every time the pages are turned, every time the towel is used, every time the guardian watches, they live just a little.

Just for a little while.

And that's enough.


	16. Colour

**Prompt #16- Colour**

He remembers his world before River came along. Remembers it in terms of darkest grey and plain black. There was white in his world but it wasn't meant for him. No. For him was the black of space and the grey of dirt and occasionally the haze of red when he was wounded.

Now she's emerged in his life and there are so many colours he's almost blinded. It's like a rainbow exploding into his world and he is swamped by the experience.

His cornflower eyes are wary as he takes the burnt-sugar cookie, the deep mocha colour of the chocolate chips melding with the soft honey-coloured biscuit to entice him to take it.

River's pale pink lips widen in a smile as his thick tanned fingers place it gingerly on his tongue, like he's afraid the sweet confection will be laced with one of Simon's more colourful poisons.

The blue orbs are intent on her hazel ones as he bites down, off-white teeth crunching on the biscuit.

She tries to stifle a laugh behind her own pale fingers, so long denied the sunlight, as his eyes widen so much that all she can see is egg-shell white and cadet blue.

Sky and clouds.

He swipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, crumbs tumbling onto fine black hairs to tumble onto a maroon shirt.

"Uh thanks," he says, his words swirling purple in the air. Purple for loyalty and honour. Respect. "Them's good cookies. Ain't had sweets like that since my ma made 'em." He licks his lips and looks away, black lashes making half-moons on his ruddy cheeks.

"Made them for you," she whispers in pale blue—words frightened of making contact with the air— and his eyes jolt back to hers.

He swallows. "Really?"

River nods and stalks around the weight bench, her fingers trailing on the hard metal surface, the silver all tarnished and dirty but so very functional.

Jayne feels like he's being stalked by an animal. A tawny lion, no, a midnight ebony panther. Dark, deadly, dangerous. A predator who prowls around him, shimmering in the light as if an illusion, making him feel safe no matter that he knows he isn't.

Being a hunter by nature, Jayne knows that you must never show weakness around fierce creatures, those capable of opening their jaw to show shiny white teeth, sharp enough to slice bone and blood-soaked sinew.

He stays perfectly still, unmoving as she gets closer and closer to him.

Just under the long deep sienna curtain of her hair River smiles and his throat goes dry.

"Wanted to say…"

"Yeah?" he prompts when she trails off.

"Thank you."

He wonders if the cookie was poisoned after all. "Huh?"

River twists her hands together, lines of rose flesh appearing as she twists her skin. "At the Academy they took away the parts that made her a girl. They made her weapon, smart and savage. Sometimes she… _**I**_ forget that I am human too. Forget that I am skin and heart and blood and brains. Simon makes holes with his needles and they heal." She smiles and her whole face lights up, gold and sunshine yellow breaking through. "They _Heal!_ Not broken beyond all means."

"You… you're doin' better," Jayne adds softly, his eyes glued to expression of wonder on her face, her cherry lips a beaming expression of joy.

"But still she doesn't think like a girl, and they don't always see that she is. But you do." Her eyes catch his and he is astonished to see tears sparkling there, delicate crystals of clearest azure. "You saw. You see. You looked at Kaylee before now and looked at Inara and Zoë and Saffron and Nandi and others. Now you look at me. She's …_ I'm_ real."

"You were always real."

"You made me feel it. I see myself in your head and I'm real and I'm a girl."

"Woman," he corrects and her mouth opens, pearly teeth and raspberry tongue evident.

"It's nice to be wanted, even in a dream," she says those perfect pearls biting down on plump cherry lips. "So thank you."

She turns to leave but, before he can even think about it his hand reaches out to grasp her arm. His sun-darkened skin looks like a ebony mar against her snow-white complexion and absently he thinks that she should get dirt-side more often; a healthy glow would set off that peach complexion exquisitely.

"Jayne?" she prompts when he says nothing and just stares at her mindlessly.

"Le's get this straight. I have … thoughts about you and 'stead of going ta Mal or Simon or even Kaylee. Ya bake me cookies and thank me?"

River nods, confusion at his words set on her face. Why should he be worried that she'll go to Mal or Simon? It's none of their business what he's thinking.

He shakes his head. "Damn it, River, you're as confusing as all get out."

"Sorry?" she offers and he just huffs, a crisp puff of ivory smoke expelled into the cool cargo bay air.

Their eyes lock with a sharp silver padlock and a golden thread appears, entwining them together inexplicably, inescapable. Inevitable.

"I liked what I saw," River confesses as he doesn't let go of her. She wonders if there will be a bruise there come morning. Plum and olive mottled blood beneath the surface, edging with angry red and copper.

She doesn't mind.

"Yeah?" His voice is gruff; like the bears, darkest brown and homely, earthy.

She smiles to reassure the man and just like that the golden thread breaks.

He pulls her to him, her soft pink body colliding with his hard chocolate one and he ducks his head, his lips intent on hers.

As red meets red, his world explodes.


	17. Imperfection

**Prompt #17- Imperfection**

Their lips meet and she half-gasps, her mouth sliding away from his slightly. He wonders if maybe she doesn't want this and starts to pull away, but her taste makes him change his mind and he lunges forward.

His nose is in the way and her lips are chapped. He angles his head only to find that she has had the same idea and their noses bump and teeth clash.

His mouth is like cookies and old cigars and is hot and wet and a little sharp, she isn't sure how to do this and her hands fist in his shirt, clawing at skin.

His hands come up to hold her head still and he accidentally tugs on her hair. She opens her mouth and his tongue dives in, surprising her into jumping but she catches on quickly.

It's awkward and uncomfortable, he's uneasy and she's inexperienced. As kisses go it's not one of the greats.

To them it's perfect.


	18. Pink

**Prompt #18- Pink**

When Jayne finally lets go of River's soft cheeks he is half amused by the flush on her face.

Of course, the better part of his brain is currently engaged in wondering if she is going to attack him and his body is reluctantly readying itself for battle when all it really wants to do is melt back into her arms.

He shifts back and stares at the small girl in front of him with her puffy lips and glazed expression. He feels almost proud that he had a hand in that.

Speaking of hands …

Jayne pulls away completely and steps back. "Uh, you okay?"

"Hmm." The eloquent speaker with a brain the size of a planet is reduced to monosyllabic grunts.

Jayne lets a slow smile slide across his face. "Girl? Crazy?"

Her eyes focus on him and he realised hi mistake immediately. "Ain't calling you Crazy on account of you being, ya know. I was just … got used ta… I don't think you're all—"

It's River's turn to smile as the big bear of a man starts to babble.

It's cute. She bites her lip and smiles at his winsomely.

"I don't mind," she says, her hands twisting as she smoothes down her dress. "The lip exchange produced desirably surges of emotion that I find quite favourably compatible with my current frame of mind."

Jayne finds that her long-winded way of saying she liked it produces surges of another kind. He shuffles his feet and nods, almost gruffly.

"Right."

River steps back and, just in time too, as Mal comes around the corner with Zoë, both checking over the manifest.

They stop at seeing River and Jayne standing so close together and then they take in the cookies on the weight bench and look back, again, at the two of them.

"Well, if this ain't a turn up, what'd'ya been getting into Jayne?"

No one is sure who is most surprised when Jayne's cheeks turn an interesting shade of pink before he hurries away, cookies in hand.

Mal turns to River who gives him her best "gone-crazy-back-soon" look and meanders off.

He stares after them for a brief moment and then back to Zoë who just sighs. Mal shakes his head. "I appreciate your restraint, Zoë, but I'm sure you got somethin' to say on this here occasion?"

"Yes, sir," Zoë says. "I believe the correct phrase is 'I told you so'. Sir."


	19. Fear

**Prompt #19- Fear**

Fear is something that River thinks she understands, When she was younger, everyone said that she was fearless.

River was never afraid to climb the tallest tree or skate on the thinnest ice or race after her big brother. She hadn't been afraid to be the smartest in her class or correct her teachers.

But River had a secret; she had been afraid of failure.

Deathly afraid.

She was terrified that one day she would wake up and discover that she wasn't as smart as she thought she was.

She had been afraid that someone would give her a task and she would fail at it and everyone would see what a liar she was and they were all hate her and she'd become nothing. River was the clever one; what was she if not that?

It was one of the reasons that she had gone to the Academy in the first place. She wanted to know more, know it all, be able to baffle and bluff her way into people thinking her extraordinary. She was determined to get her fear under control.

And yet she hadn't known what fear was.

Fear was her own breathing stinging her throat in jagged edges, like glass sliding down her neck, as tubes were rammed down the thorax, choking her.

Fear was an uncontrollable pain in the lower stomach, crawling tentacles across her belly, icy and slimy at the same time at the sound of two sets of feet stomping down the hall

Fear was half-moon slices in her palms as her nails dug in, blood trickling down her wrists as monsters danced at the edge of her vision.

Fear was sweat coating her back under a thin dress, the chill of air-conditioning hardening it to a crust as gloves waved under her vision, halting in mid-air like a conductor about to start his crescendo.

Fear was watching through wide eyes as her own hands wrapped themselves around someone's throat and snapped.

Fear was waking up screaming before realising that you'd never gone to sleep.

River had thought that she'd known fear.

She'd been wrong.

>>

Fear is something that Jayne thinks he has never known. When he was younger, everyone said that he was fearless.

He was never afraid when his father took to the bottle and used his words and his fists on him and his brothers. Jayne stood tall and proud in front of Mattie and took the beatings like a man. Jayne wasn't afraid when his ma found out that his bruises weren't from rough-housing and from someone a little closer to home. He wasn't afraid when she took the tiny hand-crafted pearl gun and took away the one who had hurt her boys.

Jayne wasn't afraid of the bigger boys, or their pas. He wasn't afraid of hard work or dying. He's stared down the barrel of a gun so many times that he knows what the barrel looks like in and out.

He thought fear was weakness and being scared of something stupid.

But Jayne has a secret.

When he thinks of Reavers his breathing starts to get heavy and he can feel the huffs of air slicing at his throat.

When he thinks of Niska and what he did to Mal he feels snakes crawl across the bottom of his belly.

Whenever he thinks of his ma dying his hands start to shake and his nails dig into his callused palms.

When he remembers Miranda, a sheen of sweat that has nothing to do with his workout, covers his back in a cold, slick skin.

When he closes his eyes he sees a little girl covered in blood, a pile of bodies at her feet and all he can hear is the silent snap as the bay doors opened.

When he dreams of River's death he wakes up wishing that he could scream.

He doesn't and he won't.

Because Jayne isn't afraid of anything.

Jayne knows he's fearless.

He's wrong.


	20. Why

**Prompt #20- Why?**

Breakfast on Serenity always happened in stages. The early risers, Mal and Zoë, sat silent and still as they all but inhaled their coffee waiting for the day to dawn and the night to wane.

Simon would putter in a few hours later, his hands automatically grasping for the coffee pot and adding a few extra shots of expresso to get it to the consistency of sludge, an addiction left over from medical school where he existed on more caffeine and less sleep than the human body could comfortably handle.

Inara would join them once she was perfectly made up and elegantly dressed. She would sit down and pour herself some green tea, sniffing distastefully at those who needed their shots of caffeine to greet the day. She'd smile a little smile and sit peacefully, welcoming the silence.

Kaylee would bound in, not long after Simon and Inara, a cheerful, chipper morning person who would start by welcoming the new day with a grin and a laugh, proclaiming her ship-mates to be grumpy hwoon-dahn when they throw pieces of balled up paper at her for being so gorram cheerful.

She'd make porridge and pour it out for everyone and the smell would bring Jayne out of his bunk in a surly growl and he'd swallow without chewing and take more coffee.

God help the verse if they ever ran out of coffee.

River was less predictable, sometimes she was there before Mal and Zoë, before the automatic lights came on and before the stars had finished singing. Sometimes she was there long after they had all left their breakfast things on the table.

Today she had snuck in before all of them and sat in a corner, nursing a cup of coffee that she wouldn't drink and watching as they staggered in, in various stages of awareness.

She smiled a greeting to her Captain and his second as they entered within moments of each other, their circadian rhythms as perfectly matched as they could be after so long an acquaintance.

She nodded to Simon who walked in with Kaylee, the blush staining his cheeks telling more than they really needed to know about Kaylee's enjoyment of mornings.

But, to everyone's surprise, Jayne was there before Inara, sliding into his chair with a short "mornin'" and staring into his coffee up like it held the answers to the verse's problems.

"Ain't used ta seeing you up so early, Jayne," Mal commented and got a grunt for his troubles.

Truth was, Jayne wasn't sure why he was up so early either. Wasn't like he hadn't been warm there in his bunk. Wasn't like he hadn't had plenty to think on, plenty to dream about and plenty to do.

He had Vera to clean and Betsy to overhaul and River to dream about but he had hauled his ass out of bed and ended up here, where he couldn't even talk to her for fear that someone would want to know why and he'd end up getting gorram air-locked.

Gorramit, he was worse than a boy with a crush and it was all kinds of embarrassing.

But when he looked up and caught the eye of the resident Crazy-genius and saw the light pink tint to her face, the gleam in her eye and the way she offered him the slightest of smiles he knew.

That's why.


	21. Satin

**Prompt #21- Satin**

Her cheek felt so soft, Jayne thought as he traced the smooth curve with his rough palm. He couldn't quite describe the way it felt and it made his brows knit. Clouds looked more woolly than soft and he'd never been close enough to any fine materials that might have helped him make his verdict.

"What's problematic?" River asked quickly, stepping back with a fearful look on her face.

Jayne shook his head. "What?"

"Jayne was smiling and now he's got," she gestured to his face, "bumpy face."

Jayne scowled, somewhat insulted. "Bumpy face?"

River rubbed at her forehead. "Lines, unhappy lines. Captain gets them when Serenity makes noises he can't hear. Kaylee gets them when she doesn't understand. Simon gets them … all the time."

"Yeah, well, that's cuz your brother ain't too bright, no matter what he thinks."

River sighed and nodded. "He takes so much looking after."

"Anyhow I weren't unhappy, just thinking is all."

"About what?"

Jayne shrugged, not wanting to tell her that he's trying to think of how soft her face is. It makes him sound like some fei fei de pi-yen and he wants to maintain at least a little dignity around her. "Nothin' important."

River twisted her hands in front of her and looked down. "Did she make an erroneous supposition in her clandestine reunion?"

He blinked. "Huh?"

"Should she not have met you here?"

River had thought after breakfast and the way he couldn't take his eyes off her that he wanted to meet again and so she had followed him to the cargo bay, but maybe she made a mistake.

"I'm glad you did, Crazy," he said gruffly, his palm reaching for her cheek again. "But I thought we was all done with the 'she' talk?"

It was River's turn to frown. "Sometimes she forgets … I forget. It's hard when you're used to pretending to be someone else."

Jayne just looked confused and River smiled at him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Hell no, in fact," he gave her a wolfish smile. "Here I got me thinking you was doing things all kinda right."

She giggled at his mangling of the English language but started to move back into his arms when the doors to the shuttle opened and raised voices came out; the captain and Inara.

River gave Jayne a swift kiss to the cheek and scuttled away into the shadows as the captain and Inara headed into the cargo bay.

"I'm just saying that you need to be careful," she was saying.

"And I believe I done told you that I don't take orders on my boat!" the captain planted his hands on his hips. "I know what I'm doing, 'Nara."

"That'd be a first," she retorted. "Look, Mal, Niska has a long reach and even out here in the black he has a way of shining a torch and finding you."

"Poetic," Mal allowed her a grin and even Jayne could see her melt a little at that. "But I ain't gonna stop my business just for some cranky old psycho with an ear fixation. I got me some crime to be getting along with."

Inara sighed. "Just be careful."

Mal stepped closer, his eyes peering into hers. "Now that sounds suspiciously like concern."

Inara licked her lips and stepped closer, startling both the captain and Jayne who couldn't stop watching. She smiled, a slow languorous smile and inclined her head. "Isn't it strange how the cargo bay can twist things? Irritation can become concern and senility grows." She laughed at Mal's dumbfounded face. "I'm concerned that I'll have to reply on someone else to get me to my chosen destinations."

Mal's face darkened slightly and he gave a curt bow. "Sorry if I'm keeping you from legitimate business ventures."

He stalked off before Inara could say anything else.

She sighed. "Men!"

Then, as she turned to leave, she saw Jayne standing there. She coloured.

"Jayne, I didn't see you standing there."

He shrugged. "Don't mind me."

She waited for him to make some kind of crude comment and was surprised when that was all he said. She gave him a small smile and swept away towards the stairs, her elegant Chinese gown sweeping behind her. It fell in waves around her legs and Jayne frowned.

"Uh, Inara?"

She paused on the stairs, arching a look over her shoulder. "Yes?"

He pointed at her. "What's that stuff?"

She glanced down quickly, wondering if she'd spilt something down her gown. There was nothing there and she looked back at him. "What is what?"

"Your fancy dress, what's it made out of?"

Inara was more puzzled than ever. "Satin, it's an expensive import from Sihnon. A delicate material culminated from Earth-that-was. Why?"

Jayne shrugged, his hands going back to his weights. "Looks soft is all. S'nice."

Inara opened and closed her mouth twice but couldn't think of anything to say to that. She walked away, certain that she would never understand men ever.


	22. Shake

**Prompt #22- Shake.**

River expects that her clandestine meeting with Jayne will be the subject of her dreams tonight.

Dreams, she knows, are created by random firing synapses which link the perceptual and eidetic memory together to enable the brain to make some sort of sense of the day's events. Whether this occurs in any order that she understands is another matter, but she expects that when she closes her eyes tonight, she'll see Jayne.

She expects to drift to sleep and feel chapped lips pressed against hers, a curl of tongue against her teeth and hot breath tasting of aged whisky and black coffee. She expects the coarse stubble to prickle her cheek, rubbing against her sensitive skin and leaving a little mark for her to massage and smile later. She expects calloused palms to grab her waist, pulling her closer into his hard body. She expects warmth to pool in her belly, she expects to feel want, need, desire—his or hers, it's all the same to a reader.

She expects to wake up shaking in delight.

She's half right.


	23. Lose

**Prompt #23- Lose**

It was Mal who heard River's scream first. He was on his way to … actually; he had no idea why he'd decided that tit was a good time to go for a midnight stroll in the guest quarters.

Mal had a sneaking suspicion that his affinity with Serenity was being shamelessly manipulated by the little Reader—with or without her knowledge—because the fact was, that he felt closer to the young girl than he has any right to.

From the first glimpse he'd had of her, naked and cold in that box, he had felt an overwhelming urge to hold and protect her, to keep her safe from the monsters and the things that made her scream in the night. After hearing about her life and all that she had endured, that urge had only grown stronger and Mal had added River to his family way before he'd even asked Simon to stay.

Whether his connection to River was fuelled by her own connection to Serenity, he had no idea; all he knew was that he was wandering around near the medical bay in the off chance that River needed someone when Simon was off doing whatever with Kaylee.

He was the first to hear her scream and was in her room before the first cry had even managed to echo down the hall.

"Hey, River?" he called gently. "C'mon, little one."

Mal wasn't about to go near the girl— no matter the connection they had— until she was awake and aware of who he was.

He had seen what she'd done to those Reavers and he may be reckless and impulsive, but he wasn't stupid.

River shot awake, startling him as she lurched into a sitting position, her hair swirling around her like a manifestation of the nightmares that swirled inside her head, the long lank strands tangling, blinding and frightening her even more.

"Hey, shh, shh," he soothed, holding his hands up in a universal gesture of "don't-shoot-I'm-unarmed".

River shrank back against her headboard and yanked at her hair, trying to see who it was that had intruded into her space and Mal stepped forwards into the light.

"It's me, li'l albatross, we're all friends here."

River sniffed and nodded her head shakily. She shuffled back and Mal took that as invitation enough to perch himself next to her on the bed.

River rolled her eyes and shifted against the wall and Mal grinned, climbing onto her bunk and sliding up against her so that he was sitting against the wall with River leaning against him. She sighed and nuzzled her head against his shoulder until he lifted it to drape over her.

He held himself stiffly for a few moments, not used to being so close to someone in this way. He hugged Kaylee and, despite what anyone thought, he wasn't some kind of eunuch, but he wasn't used to sharing space with another human.

He pulled the blanket up around them to keep warm; Serenity's air-conditioning was on the blink again.

"Thank you," River said suddenly. "Didn't want to be alone."

"Ya wanna tell me what the dream's about?"

River eyed him and pushed hair away from her face. "Darkness and death, blood and red. Like yours. You know."

He swallowed. "Yeah, I know those."

"Captain keeps the dark clouds away," she decided and lay her head on his chest, his arms coming around her to keep her anchored in place.

He smiled down at her hair. "See, now, I don't want you tellin' no one about this. Folks don't got enough respect for me as is. Have even less iffin they knew I was some kinda teddy bear, dong ma?"

"Yes, Cap'n," River said and he could hear the grin in her voice and he relaxed. "Good girl."

He found himself petting River's hair and she smiled against his chest. "Not a bear."

"Huh?"

"Not a bear," she repeated. "Captain's not a bear."

"What then?"

"Wolf," she decided. "From Earth-that-was."

Mal wrinkled his nose in mock indignation. "A wild dog?" He pretended to move. "I think ya'll can get a new toy."

"No!" River laughed, a delightful tinkling sound that Mal decided he wanted to hear more of, and she pulled him back to her, settling against him again. "Wolf, Canis Lupis, mammal in the order of Carnivora. The Gray Wolf, being a keystone predator, is an integral component of the ecosystems in which it resides, and can adapt to any habitat reflecting adaptability as a species. Often imagined as lone animals but in reality a strong pack mentality, protects its family grouping with its life. Adaptable, strong, Captain Wolf."

Mal thought on that, flattered. "Huh, well, I guess it could have been worse. So if I'm a wolf, what're you?"

"Albatross," she replied quickly and shot him a 'dumbass' look.

"Right," he grinned. "Forgot about that."

"Simon's a goose."

Mal blinked. "Well, now, he ain't the smartest tool in the box, but I wouldn't have said he's—"

River poked his chest and then settled back. "Geese flap and look ruffled but can turn nasty to protect their young. Even bigger animals won't like to attack geese."

Thinking of the way that Simon had tried to protect his sister from Jubal Early, Mal nodded. "Yeah, I guess he does at that."

"Zoë's a panther," River continued. "A fighter, dark and scary."

"Oh, Zoë's a big pussy cat," Mal lied, thinking of how dark the warrior had been since her one true love died.

"Kaylee," River closed her eyes. "She's a kitten. Playing and delicate, makes people smile, purring and grins, a Cheshire cat so says Alice."

Mal grinned as her words started to lapse into the hodgepodge of images that she usually worked so hard to dispel. "That she does."

"N'ara's a peacock," she yawned. "Beautiful, graceful, colours of rainbow, rainbow bird."

"Yeah." Mal stroked her head. Wolves ate peacocks, didn't they? Destroyed them because it was their nature.

"Not what she was thinking," River replied crossly, like a tired lioness. "Animal's have instincts, humans are governed by other laws. Too much lateral thinking." She poked him sleepily. "Bad Cap."

"Sorry, li'l one." He pushed his morbid thoughts away. "You missed one though."

"Hmm?"

"Jayne?"

River smiled. "Jayne's a bear. Strong and mean, gruff but soft inside. Brown. Hairy," she giggled so softly that Mal thought she'd fallen asleep then and there but her little voice continued, barely a whisper. "He wants to be held."

Mal thought about this carefully. "'n who does he want to do the holdin'?"

"Birds of a feather, good fortune 'fore some idiot killed it," she murmured. "Stay as she slumbers? Keep nightmares away?"

"I'll be here," Mal promised, tightening his arms around the sleeping girl. "I ain't going nowhere."

Mal wasn't going anywhere while she needed someone to stay and he closed his eyes.

Both of them missed Jayne as he walked away from the dozing pair, his eyes hard.


	24. Infidelity

**Prompt #24- Infidelity**

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

The weights went up and down in time to Jayne's breathing but his thoughts weren't anywhere near as ordered.

He circled between seeing River tucked into Mal's arms and feeling the ghostly sense of her breath against his lips.

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

She had been so cosy in his arms, but then again she looked pretty cosy in Mal's too.

He'd thought Mal had something going on with Inara and he thought that he and River has started something. They'd never said what or how exclusive but it didn't take a gorram genius to know that you didn't play two people off against each other on the same ship.

Not unless you were some sort of space slut.

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

Up until now he would have said that, psychosis aside, River was one of the most innocent and least disloyal people on the ship, himself included—hell, himself at the head of the bunch. Yet she was a Reader and she had to know how he felt about her.

Was she making some kind of fool outta him? Was she, even now, laughing and joking about dumb ol' Jayne with the Cap? Did Mal know, hell, were they all in on it?

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

Maybe gorram prissy core-bred girls were different from decent folk. He knew Inara wasn't ever exclusive but that's because she was a whore. Kaylee was but she wasn't core-bred and right now he was all kinds of glad about that.

But gorrammit, he _liked_ River. Really liked her. What right did she have to kiss on him and then go around and snuggle up to Mal?

It wasn't fair and it sure as hell wasn't right; the Cap was too old for her. Not that Jayne wasn't as old as the Cap, but that was neither here nor there.

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

Surely if River knew he felt something for her and went and did whatever with the Cap, that meant that she wasn't interested. But then why did she make those cookies for him and why was she standing in front of him with her head cocked. He gave her a short glare and pointedly turned his back on her, not seeing the confusion that coloured her face.

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

"Hello, Jayne. She … _I_ noticed you did not partake in the morning food ritual. I bear porridge." River held up her hands and he sees a bowl of steaming porridge oats that he should have noticed immediately.

He takes a deep breath and ignores her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see a puzzled, hurt look on her face.

"Jayne?"

A quick glance and glare and then back to his task.

_One, two._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

She places the bowl next to him and twists her hands together in that nervous gesture than is so gorram cute.

"She's intruding. She should go away."

He hates it when she talks about herself in the third person, like she's someone else.

River bites her lip. "Sorry, Jayne."

He can see her walk away and his heart aches in his chest more than it did last night when she was wrapped in the arms of the Captain.

She should have said something.

River was in the wrong.

But if she was, then why does he feel so bad?


	25. Broken

**Prompt #26- Broken**

River stared down at her hands, twisted in her lap and in the centre of her pretty dress. She'd worn it specially this morning and had even tried to tame her hair into something a little less robust than its usual rats nest.

She'd tried so hard to make herself look pretty like Kaylee or Inara.

It obviously hadn't worked.

"Attentiveness to personal appearance is futile," she muttered to herself. "Girl can't be girl when the knowledge is lost. Not lost. Never had. Mother wouldn't teach to play with hair and make red face. Why paint a brain?"

River bit her lip and dragged a hand through her hair. "Mistakes. Erroneous supposition that the male wanted a painted doll. Not a gorram doll. Attractiveness is chemical synapses misfiring into subdural hemisphere. Pheromones and noxious open pores of brain juice. That's all love is … brain juice."

She giggled to herself and then looked around quickly to make sure that no one was listening. They tended to feel uneasy when she let herself slip back into the lyrical nonsense that made up the majority of her brain's processes. They had no idea of the sheer effort that went into making herself even semi-coherent.

She tried to tell Simon that she was broken, like a smashed pot, and no matter how much glue you put on it, no matter how you covered the cracks in the pottery, it was still broken and would always be.

She tried to cover the cracks, but underneath she was destroyed and could never forget it.

Except she had. For a few moments in Jayne's arms she had forgotten that she could calculate the exact velocity it would take to puncture a hole in someone's chest with a pencil. She forgot that she was one of the most dangerous things in the verse and, for a few precious moments, River, the assassin, mei mei, screwed up misfit and genius, was just an ordinary girl.

Jayne had made her feel that.

And now Jayne had made her feel broken again.

She swiped at her face and cursed the tear that rolled down her cheek.

"How exceptionally asinine to be … leaking over a—" she stopped.

Her chest was hurting and her eyes stung.

"Bear." She finished quietly. "Carnivorous quadruped in the family Ursidae of the order of carnivore."

"Carni-who?" Mal asked, wandering in. He had a huge smile on his face as he looked down at her. He had just had what was possibly the best nights' sleep he had had since before the Independent's War and it was thanks to this little girl sitting here in her very pretty dress.

He grinned. "You are looking mighty fine today River."

"Chemical synapses firing randomly," she said glumly. "The colour runs because the vessel is broken. Water runs out and all that's left is an empty shell."

Silence.

"Huh?" Mal gave a baffled laugh. "Girl, you ain't making any kind of sense."

"Don't want to try today," she said fiercely and, for the first time, Mal saw the traces of years on her face.

"Hey, hey, hey, now, Li'l albatross, what's got a pretty girl looking like her birthday's done been cancelled?"

He knelt down and looked up into her sad eyes. "Now that there is a travesty. It just about breaks my heart to see big eyes that sad. I mean seriously—there could be tears."

River found the corners of her mouth turning up at the Captains silliness.

He grinned at being able to make her smile. "I am damn good."

"Captain is ridiculous," she pointed out and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, that ain't no kind of secret. Now tell the ridiculous ol' Captain what caused the resident mei mei to be so sad."

River shrugged. "Misconceptions and broken ideals, culminating in destruction of esteem and disproportionate disenchantment."

"Can we have that in Captain dummy speak? I ain't a jen duh sh tyen tsai, unlike you."

"Genius?" River wrinkled her nose. "Pretty brain? Not a girl. She dressed up in pretty clothes and did her hair like gorram doll but he …"

"He?" Mal blinked. There was a he here?

River nodded, too miserable to keep it to herself. "He made her feel broken again."

Mal's temper started to rise. "He who, he what? What did the he do? Who he?" His mind raced. She'd be mad at Simon but would take matters into her own hands by throwing things at him. She wouldn't have spoken to Mal if he'd been the 'he' which left …

"Jayne?" He swore. "What did Jayne do? Do we need to be having an airlock talk again?"

River gave him a small smile. "No. She made a mistake."

"A mistake with Jayne?"

"He saw a girl and she was a girl with Jayne and then when she tried to be a girl he didn't see her anymore." River looked up at him. "Did she do wrong?"

Mal looked at the heart-broken expression on her face and his hands clenched into fists as he thought about the huge man-shaped liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze. If that man-ape gone wrong had hurt little River in any way—scratch that—if he'd _touched_ little River in any way, he was in for more than a world of pain.

He stood up, his fullest height and took a deep breath.

"What. Did. He. Do?"


	26. Window

**Prompt #25- Window.**

When Jayne woke up he was confronted with the oddest sense of déjà vu. He was pretty sure that he'd seen that metal grilled floor before. He was sure he'd woken up with a king-sized hangover and a bump where his brain used to be. He was also sure that it was a hell of a lot colder than it was in his bunk and there was an odd breeze coming from behind him.

He opened one eye and patiently waited for the world to stop spinning before he opened the other.

He recognised the steel bulkheads as belonging to Serenity. Not belonging to his bunk, however.

His bunk doesn't have a smell of old goats and axle grease. His bunk doesn't feel chilly and musty and … gorram son of a bitch!

He was in the airlock, again.

Jayne tried to focus his eyes on the small round window and hauled his aching frame to his feet.

He lurched to his feet and stuck his face to the small round window, peering through to see Mal sitting, quite comfortably, on one of the larger packing crates that they were shipping halfway across the verse.

"Morning, Jayne!" Mal chirped quite happily and Jayne felt an odd sense of dread swell in his stomach.

"If this is about that last round of ammo, I can explain."

"No it ain't," Mal paused. "But we can get into that too."

"I ain't done nothin', Mal," Jayne whined, "leastways nothin' I should get flushed for."

Mal glared at him. "Are you sure, 100 percent sure, Jayne, that you ain't done nothing I might wanna flush your sorry ass out into the black for? Think real careful now, Jayne."

Jayne thought for a moment and it crept over him slowly, with a sick sense of alarm that he might, just might, have been found out.

Mal saw the precise second that it dawned on Jayne and a satisfied, if slightly scary, smile crossed his face. "Ah, I see ya'll have a slight recollection. Now what I'm wanting to know, is exactly what is that recollection pertaining to?"

Jayne folded his arms over his chest and glared back at Mal. "Ain't none of your gorram business."

"Wrong answer." Mal pressed a button and the airlock opened a fraction behind Jayne. The wind buffeted him slightly and a panicked feeling swamped him. Would Mal really pull him out the airlock for kissing on his girl?

Uh, yeah.

"I ain't done nothin' wrong."

"Wrong again, bizui."

The airlock opened wider.

"I didn't know she was your girl!" Jayne growled and was rewarded when Mal blinked.

"Say what?"

"I had no idea you had somethin' going on with Crazy," Jayne protested, hanging onto the door. The wind wasn't strong enough to suck him into the black just yet, but Mal had a handsome itchy trigger-finger on occasion "No one said anything to me."

"Me and River?" Mal wasn't sure whether to be amused or disgusted. River was a child. A beautiful girl, but still way too young for him. "You feng le?"

"I saw you," Jayne spat. "I ain't so dumb that I can't believe my own eyes, Mal."

"I ain't so sure on that. Don't sell yourself short, Jayne, you're a special kinda dumb," Mal said. "Now what exactly was so gorram bad that you had to exhibit your particular brand of dumb and make River cry?"

Jayne's heart sank. "I made her cry?"

"Yes, you hun dan."

Jayne felt bad, real bad. Worse than he ever remembered feeling and that included the time he'd run into his ma's vase and broke it into pieces. His ma'd cried and Jayne had wanted t sink into the deepest pits. That paled in comparison to hearing that he'd made sweet little River cry. "Aw hell, Mal, I didn't mean to make her go and do that."

"Then explain!" Mal growled.

Jayne kicked the cargo bay floor. "Saw you sleepin' with her, 's all."

Mal almost bit his tongue. "Jien tah-duh guay!"

"I did!" Jayne insisted. "Last night."

"We were sleepin'!"

"That's what I done said!"

Mal closed his mouth. "So, you saw me and River indulging in innocent sleep and decided to act like some hun dan and make her cry. After all that girl's been through? What rock did you crawl out from Jayne Cobb?"

But Jayne had heard one word. "Innocent?"

"Uh huh."

Jayne's face lit up. "You mean as to say there ain't nothin' between you and Crazy?"

"Yes." Mal looked at him like he'd grown another head. "There's nothing between me and River. Now," Mal settled back, cradling the control in his hand. "Care to tell me exactly what's going on between _you_ and River?"

Jayne had an odd feeling he'd be in the airlock for some time.


	27. Caring

**Prompt #27- Caring**

Oxygen deprivation could do strange things to a man, Jayne thought as he watched the overhead lights flicker. A man who was usually grounded could see all sorts of weird stuff when his brain hadn't gotten itself enough vital air.

Like seeing Mal haul his ass out of the airlock and drag him by one arm down the hall to the med bay.

Ain't no way Mal coulda picked him up, no matter how mad he was at him.

Like seeing Zoë peer over his body, her face worried and caring.

Zoë just plain didn't care about him and that was that.

Like feeling weightless and landing on something soft, realising he was in the med bay.

A guy as big as Jayne didn't float and Zoë'd sooner walk over him as help Mal carry him to the med bay

Like seeing Simon hurry into the medical bay, concern etched on his face as he ran professional hands over Jayne's face and shoulders, questioning a confused Mal.

"Jayne done locked himself in the airlock," he answered and Jayne knew he'd never do something as fool as that.

Simon's hands reached for his tools and Jayne wondered whether it was the lack of adequate breathing material that made him think Simon was being gentle with him because it was definitely his deprived state that made him think Mal's hand was gripping his shoulder in a friendly way.

Must have also been why Jayne saw Zoë come in with the O2 tank from storage and hook it up for him and why Kaylee's face appeared at the door, giving him a big smile.

"Just a small accident," Mal said and everyone gave him a sceptical look.

"I'll need to monitor his vitals," Simon was saying as Jayne decided that now was a good time to go to sleep, when he could imagine all these people cared about what happened to him. It was a nice dream and he'd be all kinds of sad when it faded.

"Yeah, I guess you will at that," Mal chewed on his lip. "Mayhap River can be of some use here. She can watch over him while you collect your Doctors bag from Kaylee's room, and no I don't wanna know why its there. You won't need to stay with him all night; I can look in on him now and then."

"Okay," Simon agreed. "I'll get River to be with Jayne for now."

Ain't no way Simon just agreed to let River stay with Jayne and ain't no way that Mal would agree to them being in the same room, much less alone.

Yup, thought Jayne as he slipped into sleep, oxygen deprivation made a man see and hear all kinds of things.


	28. Sleep

**Prompt #28- Sleep**

The next time Jayne opened his eyes it was dark in the medical bay, the only illumination that of one dim lamp in the corner accompanied by the low hum of electricity that reminded him of an irritated mosquito. Beyond the med bay doors all he could hear was the background noises of Serenity churning her way through deep space.

Inexplicably he felt quite alone and didn't like it.

Jayne tried to stretch but the beds in the medical bay had never been designed with a man as large as Jayne in mind and he was cramped as hell here. He'd rather be in his own bunk, but the way his limbs ached, he knew that he was going nowhere and was just going to have to deal with it until tomorrow when he could be safely tucked up with Vera.

He gave a huge suffering sigh and licked his lips.

Damn, but he was thirsty.

There was a whisper in the dark and he turned his head quickly to see a ghostly figure in a black dress standing by his bed. It scared the go se out of him, until he realised that it was River and his lips curved in a welcoming smile at the girl.

But she wasn't looking at him, her lank hair obscuring her face.

"H-hey," he managed through his parched lips.

"Water," she responded and brought the glass to his lips.

Jayne swallowed quickly as the cool liquid slid down his throat and he almost moaned at the wonderful feeling.

"That's good," he muttered and lay his head back down.

River said nothing.

He gave her a short glance out of the corner of his eye, hating the silence. "So, uh, you been watching over me?"

"Simon said," she answered shortly and started to move away.

Quicker than he thought he could move with his lethargic limbs, Jayne's arm shot out to grab hers.

"Uh, ya don't hafta leave ya know, you could keep me company."

Hiding behind the curtain of her hair, River still didn't answer. She pulled at her imprisoned arm and shuffled back into the shadows.

Jayne felt that unease flood his stomach. "Hey, now, Crazy. Mal done told me I got the wrong end of the stick. I do that on occasion. Ain't never been the sharpest tool in the box. What's say we start over, huh?"

"I don't think it's a good idea."

Jayne searched the dark for her dismembered voice but it was like she'd vanished into the shadows, like she'd done on Miranda. It was powerful scary.

"Uh, Crazy, can you come into the light some? It's all kinds of eerie not seeing who I'm talkin' to."

"I'm comfortable here."

"Right. Well." He lifted a hand to scratch his beard. "I'm sorry for making you cry. Didn't mean nothin' by getting all mad at cha."

Silence.

"C'mon, River, I said I was sorry."

"Apology accepted."

There was still something flat about her voice that Jayne didn't like. "Ya know we could get to the kissin' and makin' up part of the deal now."

"No, thank you."

Hurt blossomed inside and he felt the need to lash out. "Why? You still mad at me? Don't know if fancy core manners is the same as us regular folk but iffin someone apologises then the fight is usually over."

"I'm not fighting with you," she replied. "I accept your apology, Jayne Cobb."

"Then why won't you come over here, huh? If you ain't mad at me then prove it."

River walked into the light and sat down on the bed opposite, her eyes cold.

He swallowed. "Cra—River?"

"I know who I am; repetition is used for emphasis, no need to emphasize who I am. It's not relevant. You requested forgiveness and it was granted."

"See now, when you talk like that I know you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad," she insisted. "I was mad, and hurt. But that's over now."

"Then come over here."

"It isn't a good idea."

"Why not?" Jayne growled. "It was a good idea when it happened yesterday and you seemed to think so when you came back for more."

"I made an erroneous judgment. A slip in calculations. I shouldn't have tried … it's my fault," she said slowly, as if straining to gets the words out logically.

"Takes two to tongue twist," Jayne pointed out. "I don't usually kiss on the lips."

River blinked at him. "You don't usually kiss at all. Well known for it. Whores kiss and tell, but nothing to tell with Jayne. Prostitutes can carry up to three dormant disease strains at any one time. Diseases carry through blood, saliva and through touch."

Jayne grimaced. "There goes my idea of pretty."

River shook her head. "She thanks you for the interest, but I have decided that it's not a good idea. We will end it here."

"Why ain't it a good idea? Cap and 'Nara, Simon and Kaylee, you and me. Works out."

She cocked her head. "Logistically it is plausible. Yet relationships are based on more than propinquity. Jayne is a mercenary and River is … broken. It is simply serendipitous and therefore invalid."

"Now I know you tryin' to make me feel dumb. Ain't no idea what seren-dippy is, nor proppy whatever. You ain't broken and yeah I'm a merc, but you knew that afore. This is some kinda excuse. So what's the real reason, huh?"

River was taken aback. She had expected her use of words to both alienate him and make him see that they really weren't meant for each other. But Jayne was far more intelligent than they actually gave him credit for.

She sighed.

"I don't know how to do this. The knowledge was never there so it wasn't lost. But I lost it all with the Blue. Mother never said, never had time. Simon tried but … he's not a girl and I don't know how to be."

"Be what?"

"A girl." She turned wide eyes to him. "I liked your kisses and the exchange of fluids and you made me feel real and liked and like a girl. Then I tried to be what you wanted, tried to be a girl. I made myself pretty and did my hair like a gorram doll. You turned her away, didn't want the doll. Too old to play with dolls. I took away the paint and the pretty and now you want her again? You want the weapon. She's too confused. The math doesn't work and I was always good at math. Logistics and equations and algebraic formulae. Always constant, never changing. Maths is good, one is always one. Eleven is always eleven, good number, prime number, one goes into the house of eleven, eleven times. Always the same. Humans are never the same. People want and then don't want and then want. It doesn't make sense." Her words started to tumble over themselves as she got more agitated. "Nonsensical and illogical and I don't understand and it hurts!" Tears started to form as Jayne looked on in horror. "I hear their thoughts and their thoughts are illogical and confusing and I don't understand people. I need to understand but I can't and I don't know… I don't know if they removed the part that understands or if I never understood and don't remember." She cried. "I'm too broken to even know if I was ever fixed."

River's shoulders started to shake and Jayne reached out for her, but she was too far away.

"Hey, now, Crazy, don't be like that. C'mon now. I don't do cryin'. Please?"

"I'm sorry." She seemed to curl up on herself, looking even smaller than he knew she was, lost in the big hospital bed that was too small for Jayne but seemingly too big for her.

Jayne hauled himself up, his head spinning and body aching. "People's ain't logical, elsewise they wouldn't be people. Hell, half the time folks don't even know why they do the crazy things they do. Like Mal. What he plans and what happens ain't never been similar, 's just the way it is. It ain't you, sweetheart."

River sniffed, but seemed to be listening and Jayne took a chance, he dragged his legs off the bed and used his arms to twist himself around until he was sat on the edge of his bed.

He gave a grunt and pushed himself off the bunk, his legs barely holding him. River was watching him in confusion as he staggered across the ice cold floor until he all but collapsed onto the bed next to her. He hated the fact that he was out of breath and took a few seconds to rest before he could slide next to her and look her in the eye.

"Mayhap you weren't never taught what folks did, but it ain't the kinda thing as can be taught. Hafta learn it. Everyone does."

"Didn't learn," she whispered and Jayne cupped her cheek, letting his thick fingers wipe away the tears.

"Yeah, well, I reckon them hun dans had something ta do with that. Locking a girl up when she's supposed to be learning about courting and kissin' and all. Powerful shame. Seems to me that your behind is all. But a gorram genius like you shouldn't find it too hard to catch us all up, now. Just need to try."

"Catch up?" she sniffed.

"I can help some. You know," he shrugged uncomfortably, "iffin you want."

"Don't know if I can," she confessed. "They all think I'm little girl lost. In their heads, in Simon's head, I'm forever 14, forever a child. It takes so much to try to make them see. They'll never see woman, always girl. I see death and blood and chaos and black and they see me play games," she gave a bitter laugh. "They see the games and think they're right."

"Yeah, but you can prove 'em all wrong."

She pushed his arms away. "Sometimes I don't have the energy to prove everybody wrong."

"Then, that's when I can help." He decided. "I'm all kinds of wrong for you, Crazy, I ain't no superman or some fancy core bred gentleman. Don't got a lot of money, nor smarts," he thought for a second. "Don't got a lot of much, actually, 'cepting weapons. Got me lots of them. Need 'em in my job."

River smiled at the way his thought processes seemed to drift like hers before he brought himself back to the point.

"But what I am is powerful stubborn. I figure you and me could be somethin'. If you want."

"I don't need a superman, don't need fancy core man, bland and boring. Just want someone to see me."

"I see you."

"You do, don't you?" She seemed intrigued by the idea and smiled softly at him.

Jayne grinned, her smile lighting up his insides.

"So what'd'ya say?"

River thought for a second and then nodded primly, holding out her hand. "I accept your proposal. We may proceed with relationship. Teach me about 'folks', help me be strong. In return I won't eviscerate you and will accept demonstrations of affection."

Jayne licked his lips at her prissy speech, his blood running fast. River smiled slyly, letting him know that she had Read what her speech had done to him by the light blush covering her cheek.

He disregarded her hand with a wolfish grin. "See, real folks don't shake, they seal a deal with a kiss."

She leaned forwards as if to accept one but Jayne decided to play.

"But I'm too tired now, hauling my ass across here's done made me tired. How 'bout we sleep on it?"


	29. Cook

**Prompt #29- Cook**

Ingredients required.

1 x Injured Mercenary

1 x Sleeping Genius

1 x Early Rising Brother

1 x Amused Captain

1 x Gleeful Mechanic

1 x Protective Warrior

1 x Bemused Companion

Take the Injured Mercenary and Sleeping Genius and add to one small hospital bed.

Leave to rest overnight.

Take one Early Rising Brother and place in the same area; allow him to come to room temperature and then heat slowly.

Stir in one Amused Captain which shouldn't react to the mixture and allow the Early Rising Brother to simmer slowly at the lack of response.

Roll the Injured Mercenary over to cover the Sleeping Genius and smooth both down with wandering hands and soft moans until firm yet malleable.

Combine the Amused Captain and Early Rising Brother in indignation and bring both to the boil.

Briefly remove from heat and add Gleeful Mechanic. Allow the Gleeful Mechanic to cool the mixture—it should go from hot and hard to repentant and amused.

Take a clean bowl and shake in the Protective Warrior and Bemused Companion.

Divide the mixtures into two and put the Amused Captain, Gleeful Mechanic and Bemused Companion onto one well greased baking tray. The Protective Warrior and Early Rising Brother should be separated from the Sleeping Genius and Injured Mercenary and be very careful to remove all traces of weaponry from the Protective Warrior.

By now the Injured Mercenary and Sleeping Genius should be done. Remove from bed and add blush.

Bring Early Rising Brother back to the boil but don't separate the Injured Mercenary/ Sleeping Genius blend.

Combine all ingredients and stir quickly, allowing mixture to become loud, divided and disordered.

Add one declaration of affection and stand whole mixture in shocked silence.

Allow the Gleeful Mechanic to sweeten the combination with soft words and the Protective Warrior will fold. Separate those two to make a delicate breakfast dish, garnished with subtlety.

Remove the Bemused Companion and scrape the Early Rising Brother off the bottom of the pan.

Take liberal amounts of alcohol and pour over the Early Rising Brother and Amused Captain and serve with a side order of threats.


	30. Smoke

**Prompt #30- Smoke**

The piercing wail echoed through the hull of Serenity until even the termites teeth ached with the shrill sounds.

Mal hurtled down the corridor, his feet almost not touching the steel grilled floor as he flew faster and faster through Serenity's body.

The shriek of the alarm grabbed hold of his brain and rattled it about in his head with the force of a freight train.

He raced through the cargo bay and past the engine room where Kaylee and Simon were throwing clothes on even as he passed them.

He sped past the lounge area and sprinted into the kitchen where he was met by billows of smoke, flooding through the small room.

Dropping to the floor, he rolled under the clouds of mist and crawls to the oven where the flames were licking higher and higher above the burnt remains of what once were food cubes… possibly.

He switched off the gas and threw the charred mixture into the sink.

With a quick flick of the air conditioning the smoke was soon cleared and he clambered to his feet.

Simon and Kaylee rushed red-faced and panting into the room behind him, followed by Zoë.

He surveyed his crew and glared at the offending party.

"All right, which damn fool idiot swapped dinner duty with Jayne?"

Kaylee timidly lifted a hand and Mal glared at her.

"Kaylee! We been over this. Under no circumstances is Jayne to be left alone on dinner duty with River. I can't afford to have Serenity repainted every Tuesday." He looked at the smoke damage. "Now can someone please haul Jayne and River outta his bunk and get us fixed with some real food?"

The three crew members looked at each other. Zoë folded her arms with a "Just-ask-me-if-you-dare" look on her face.

Kaylee turned to Simon who shook his head. "She's my sister, my baby sister. I can't know she's having sex with Jayne."

Kaylee pouted. "But Jayne threw a gun at me last time I interrupted."

"Then you should have shot him with it," Zoë offered before walking away, a smirk on her face.

Down below in Jayne's bunk River giggled to herself.

"They trying to work out whose gonna come butt in on us?" Jayne asked and she nodded.

"Zoë is too scary, Simon says no but Kaylee is pouting."

"Huh," Jayne ran his fingers up her arm. "Ain't no way Simon's gonna stick out Kaylee's pouting. It'll be him."

River wrinkled her nose. "He is such a boob."

"Yeah." Jayne reached down to kiss her hard. "Wanna freak him out some? See if the Tam scream sounds as good on him as it does on you?"

To his credit, Simon didn't scream. But it was a close thing.


End file.
